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how to surrender to life

 

Those who’ve had the luck of giving birth naturally know that there is a special time right before the baby is about to come out. The time when you are called to fully surrender.

Nothing matters anymore – people around you, what you do, what they do, how you look, what you say – it’s just you and your body – fully present, fully aware.

It’s the time when you must let go and jump fully in.

It’s the time when you learn what true focus means, the kind of focus that you’ve never experienced before.

It’s the time when you experience determination that could move mountains… and push that baby out.

It’s the time when you truly connect to your body being acutely aware of every heartbeat, every breath, the way you hair is stuck to your sweaty forehead, the way your eyelids touch one another when you close your eyes.

It’s the time when you are fully connected to your center – your vagina.

You need that full presence. Otherwise fear will cover you like a big blanket. Full presence is your way to keep fear away and push your baby out into the world.

Fully in. Fully connected. Fully surrendered.

If you’ve never given birth naturally you can still experience the same surrender during what Kim Anami calls gourmet sex. Gourmet sex is when you “blend emotional openness with sexual energy”.

You open your heart fully. You take down your masks. You allow yourself to be fully you. You are acutely aware of every sensation in your body. You are fully connected to your vagina.

You trust. You surrender. You open up. You let go. You come.

Isn’t that what life asks us to do when we want to get to the next level, when we want to reach true success and happiness?

You need to become you-er than you’ve ever been before. You need to let life penetrate you and break you open.

Pushing a baby out, experiencing life-changing orgasms, reaching big and meaningful goals – open your heart, open your legs, breathe.

And surrender.

I cut my hair, started a new project and went on a daily sex challenge with my husband. And let me tell you – daily sex challenge with three kids in the house is a challenge. But it can be done. More on the challenge later.

conscious women's entrepreneurship, Lana Kravtsova

Have you checked out New Generation Project? Please do so if you haven’t. And here I wrote a long post on how to blend your life and your work.

Also please like the New Generation Project Facebook Page. I write long hearfelt status updates daily, it’s my new mini-blog.

I am back from my maternity leave. I love writing. I need to be writing. It helps me to understand and process, it helps me gain clarity, it gives me confidence. Expect lots of words that have my heart intertwined with them on this pages in the coming weeks.

 

closeness

We fight. We push on each other’s buttons.

I get angry… so angry that it’s hard to breath sometimes.

You hurt me. You never intend to do it, but you do. The pain is so big at times that I want to run.

And, yet, you – the person who is the cause of my pain and my anger – you are my closest friend. You are my husband.

And often after a fight we would say - We just want harmony. We just want peace.

But I have always known it – that harmony and peace – they will not come soon. Not unless we are willing to sacrifice closeness. Which we are not.

Here is the thing that I didn’t know before. That no one tells you about at school. That no one shows in the happily ever after movies.

Getting close to someone means agreeing on being hurt. Getting close to someone means accepting the pain.

Because true closeness is not possible without facing your own demons that you’ll inevitably see in another person. That’s why that person was sent to you.

Your relationships are a mirror. They are here to help you become aware and integrate that which you cannot see yourself.

So, yeah, you’ll get hurt. Over and over again.

You can choose the easier way.

You can choose to lie, to hide your truth, to not go deep.

But you’ll sacrifice closeness. And then someday you’ll wake up and look at the person next to you not knowing who that person is.

The easier way is not the way to true peace and harmony.

Peace and harmony need to be earned. Not through never exposing who you are, not through avoiding pain and vulnerability, but through learning the lessons that your relationships are here to teach you. Through opening your heart.  Through realizing that everything that makes you mad, annoyed, hurt, frustrated about your partner is what’s inside of you that wants to come out to the light.

That pain that you feel? He or she is not the cause of it. Your partner is just here to trigger it. That pain was there all along – hiding in the deepest reigns of your soul. But it wants to be seen. It wants to be heard. It wants to help you get back to who you are.

Yesterday after another fight, after our emotions cooled down, I said – Let’s just hold each other. No talking. Just holding each other tight, staying close, staying connected.

Because that we can do, in the midst of the hurt and anger and despair, we can hold each other.

We need to hold each other.

Because you are not the cause of my pain.

You are here to help me heal. You are here to help me get back to my wholeness.

If I could only remember that next time.

If I could only remember that it’s never me against you. It’s me fighting with myself.

It’s me discovering myself.

It’s me getting closer.

 

Conscious Parenting project

 

Has it been 5 months already since I wrote my last post?  Time flew by and my family is almost adjusted to our new normal – life with three kids.

Today I wanted to share with you my new project that I originally planned on starting in April. I overestimated my multi-tasking abilities. I often do.

But before I tell you about the project, let me tell you how it was born. Maybe it will help you if you are trying to figure out your thing.

My main criteria for this project was – I wanted to blend my life and my work. What do I mean by that?

It’s not about my passions anymore. The whole passion obsession is slowly dying and seems like more and more people are realizing that simply figuring out what you are passionate about and starting a business doing it – is not enough.

No, don’t get me wrong, passions are important. Very much so! But figuring out who you are and finding the work that will connect who you are with what you do is a little bit different.

Let me explain.

There are lots of things I am passionate about but not all of them are part of my life. Not all of them represent me at this point in my life.

When you blend your life and your work you literally start selling what you are, right here, right now. Nothing extra.

Here is an example.

If I was passionate about healthy cooking (which I am) and wanted to turn that passion into a business, I could learn more recipes, cook meals specifically for showing off my skills, get new camera to take pictures of the dishes I make, maybe take classes to learn more recipes, techniques, etc.

I would enjoy doing it. It’s my passion after all. But it would require extra work. Because even though I am passionate about healthy cooking, I don’t come up with new recipes every day nor do I plan on taking any cooking classes any time soon.

When I am blending my life and my work, I don’t learn anything specifically for the sake of selling it later. I don’t do classes, new recipes, new camera etc.

Unless! Unless I wanted to take those classes and learn those recipes for myself. Unless I would do it whether I needed it for my business or not.

You see, the difference is – I live my life and share it, as opposed to – I do something worth sharing and share it.

When you blend your life and your work – the assumption is – what you are already and what you do already on a daily basis – is valuable and worth sharing. Nothing extra needed.

Please don’t confuse it with becoming a diarist. No, it doesn’t mean you have to start sharing EVERY SINGLE THING you are doing.

You have to find one thing or maybe a couple of things that you do every day that have lots of meaning for you. They are not just your routines, they are a part of who you are on a deeper level.

It might be fostering creativity in your children because you know how important it is for them, or gardening because you believe if everyone had a garden – it would change the world, or hiking because nature us your temple or always making time for your friends no matter how busy life gets.

What is a part of who you are? What is so important to you that you would really really regret not being able to do? What is on top of your priority list? It might be one thing or two things or more.

And no, they are not necessarily what you would call passions. They are just something you do – NO MATTER WHAT.

Now ask yourself why those are so important to you? Do you believe that if other people started doing what you are doing – it could help them in any way?

And here is the real test –  do you believe that if many people were doing what you are doing – our world would become a better place to live in?

Yes, I do believe that if we look closer at what we do every day, we will find something that could change the world.

So I had to look at myself and ask myself those questions.

And that might be one of the hardest things to do. When you are in the center of it, it’s hard to see what you are in the center of. It’s so much easier for me to do it for others.

Most of what I do these days revolves around my kids, of course. But what about my kids? What specifically? No, I don’t want to become a mommy blogger and share baby pictures. (Nothing wrong with mommy bloggers.)

After thinking about it for awhile, I saw two things.

First – parenting is a spiritual practice for me. I’ve been saying it for awhile – I don’t need to go to church, I don’t need to meditate or go to spiritual retreats – I have my kids. Parenting is a catalyst for personal growth for me.

As a result here is what I wrote on the about page for my new website -

“I want to re-imagine the way I parent my children. I want to re-imagine the way we, as a society, parent our children.

I want to change the belief that is so ingrained in me that I am an almighty, all-knowing parent whose job is to raise properly socialized and educated human being filling them up with as much knowledge and good manners as I can. Because that’s not my job.

My children and I are partners. They are with me for a short period of time to help me grow and evolve. To teach me the lessons I need to learn. I do that for them as well.

I don’t own them. They are not here to make me proud or to show what a great mother I am. They are here to help me uncover my truth. To help me get back to myself. To help me let go what I need to let go.

That’s what conscious parenting is all about.”

That’s what I do every day. I try to parent consciously. I learn the lessons. I change myself. I grow. I evolve through my relationships with my kids.

Some days I suck at it really bad. Some days I fail hard. Sometimes it takes me months and years to learn the lesson.

But I don’t give up. I try again and again.

My children are my biggest teachers in life.

I truly want to help myself and our society to change the way we view parenting. I want it to be a given, something that everyone knows and everyone does. I want new parents who are having a baby to anticipate all the lessons they’ll learn through parenting that child.

This one change in our parenting, this one change in our collective consciousness, could help humanity move up a level. I believe so.

Conscious parenting – that is my number one thing that is a part of who I am.

And another very important thing regarding my kids that keeps me up at night is I want them to have access to a very different education than is available right now. I want them to go to school that doesn’t exist yet. I want it so bad. As a result I tried alternative schools, I tried homeschooling, I research schools all the time hoping to find the one.

I believe with a passion that if we change our education system we could change the world.

Those are two things that are part of my everyday – conscious parenting and childhood education. They are a part of who I am right now. Do I have other parts that are important? You bet. I hope to explore them here.

So, my new project? Check it out – New Generation Project. A website dedicated to conscious parenting and changing our education system. Please like it on Facebook if have kids and resonate. Thank you!

 

This past week was a week of basking in newborn bliss for me. Our baby came last Sunday. His name is Zachary Alexander.

These days are so special and precious. This is my last baby. I don’t like to say never, but three is a good number for me. Knowing that it was my last pregnancy, last birth, last time I get to take care of my newborn makes everything so bittersweet.

One day old

One Day Old

I want to remember every moment. Inhaling his newborn smell, looking in amazement at his tiny fingers and toes, kissing his soft cheeks over and over again. Even the pain of labour didn’t feel bad at all as I knew it would be gone soon and never again will I experience pushing my child into the world.

I am still wearing my hospital bracelets, reluctant to take them off. I’ll never wear them again. So many things I’ll never get to experience again.

But the truth is, everything is like this.

The moment I experience right now will never come back. My seven year old will never be seven again. My two year old will never be the same again. I will change and grow. My husband and our relationship will evolve and change.

That’s life.

Why don’t we live every moment in awe and gratitude then? I don’t know.

I do plan on enjoying this beautiful here and now as much as I can. Because I know that soon enough the other part of me will wake up. The part of me that doesn’t care about the present moment. It doesn’t appreciate the beauty of experiences that will never come back.

All it wants is to move on. To start a new chapter. It lives in the future. It fantasizes about what will be and how it will be, taking for granted what is already here.

I need that part of me too. It makes sure I keep moving forward.

Two forces. One loves the future. One loves here and now. I need both of them. I like both of them. I welcome both of them.

But in the meantime, I’ll go back to my bittersweet bliss, my baby is about to wake up.

We have our new baby due anytime now. New life coming through me. I have an interesting feeling when I think about him. He is connected to me right now, yet he is not me. He is a different soul that is just using me to come into this world.

In a way this is very symbolic as I’ve been thinking alot lately about the essence, the universal truth, the consciousness that is using us to express itself.

I loved this quote from the Awakening Women Institute Facebook page:

You can spend your life hoping that

when only you get rid of the fear,

when you are a little bit more enlightened,

when you have built up your self esteem,

then…

then you will show up and give it all.

Or…you can get out of your own way,

make yourself available,

and bow down to the One who plays you.

Now.

~ Chameli Ardagh

 

Make yourself available.

Just like I make myself available to this new life inside of me.

Make yourself available.

And see what wants to come through. What truth wants to manifest itself into being through you?

Make yourself available to the truth that wants to come through you

How do you make yourself available?

There are many ways.

One of them is to commit to a practice. It can be any practice.

The practice I am committing to is writing. Yours might be sitting still for 5 minutes every day.

I am committing to writing without judgements. Without much editing. Without excuses.

Through this practice of writing I am inviting the essence to come and play me. 

a practice that will help your essence to come and play you

Thankfully, my circumstances right now are very aligned with this kind of practice. With the new baby coming, two kids I homeschool, as well as a new project that I am launching in the next month or so, I don’t have much time for anything else that my mind tells me I need to be doing.

No time to judge what I write. No time to try to figure what my readers want to read. No time to even ask my husband to check what I write (English is not my native language).

I just have time to write and hope that I touch at least one soul out there.

I hope the truth will come through what I write.

And it’s a blessing.

Anything can be your excuse or your blessing.

I choose to look at it as a blessing even though a little victim part of me wants to use my circumstances as an excuse to pull back, to shrink, to wait it out. I hope I’ll be strong enough to love that part of me and not let it rule the show.

It’s a blessing because I am forced to strip down to the essential. And do only what truly matters.

I am forced to be available.

Come and play me. I am here. Now.

 

The space in between the words. The nothingness. The consciousness. The Universe.

There are many words we use to describe it, to give it some meaning.

I think many of us had our glimpses into that space. Maybe through meditation. Or through listening to some guru. Or through reading a book. And some of us just felt it, out of the blue, standing in the middle of the store or at the parking lot.

You usually feel it for a few seconds and then it’s gone and you are back to your body, to your story, to yourself.

But if you had enough of those glimpses, you start to realize something.

You realize that the space in between the words is always there. It doesn’t go away. You lose your connection to it, but it doesn’t lose its connection to you. It is always watching. It’s behind your thoughts and your story. It’s using your eyes to see and your ears to hear.

The wholeness? The universal consciousness? It really has no name.

You might also realize that there is no good or bad. The nothingness doesn’t judge the experience. It just wants to experience it all. Through you.

And then another interesting and probably the best thing happens after you’ve had enough glimpses.

You start having this feeling that you have arrived.

You have won already. There is nothing to pursue. Nothing to gain. Nothing to fight for.

Because you are that nothingness. You are that field of oneness. You are that space in between the words.

you have won already

And the irony of it all is when you realize you have arrived, you actually become fearless and want to take lots of action.

Why would you want to do it? If you have arrived already? If there is no meaning in pursuing anything? If you have already won?

Because you are still a human. You didn’t lose your desires. The desires are still there.

What you lost is your fear. The fear to fail. The fear to not succeed. The fear to not arrive.

And losing that fear opens up so much energy. So you go out and actually do what you always wanted to do. And if you fail? You get up and try again. Because nothing really matters.

But for most of us it’s a slow process. Most of us don’t arrive at that place of no fear right away. Again, you just have some glimpses.

That’s how I feel sometimes. The fear is still there on many days.  But also there are moments when I lose it.

Those glimpses of awakening create subtle shifts, subtle changes that I am not always aware of right away. I notice them later.

I’ve been working on my new project that turns into something really big. For me anyway. And today I noticed how a part of me said – What are you thinking about? Let’s have this baby first. Let’s figure out the practical stuff. But then another part said – Why? That’s what I want, so I am going after it. If doesn’t work, not a big deal. Remember, I won already.

That space in between? It’s always there. Maybe we should all visit it more often.